How to ruin a town
"How to Ruin a Town." This sort of article has been done in many ways, but the ingredients are similar everywhere:
1. Never attend any meetings. Just sit around and criticize about the way "they" are doing things.
2. Vote against any kind of tax levy p whether the purpose is good or not. "they" just want your money.
3. Make fun of the fire and police departments. "They" are just out there for the glory and pay.
4. Don't ever go to the movie, school concert or ball game, benefit program, or exhibit.
5. Knock your city council. This is a must. Every one of them is just on the council to get a kick-back.
6. Stay out of church. You might go on Easter or Christmas just to prove to yourself that the minister does not know what he's talking about and everyone there is hypocrite.
7. Buy everything you can out of a discount catalog or mail order book. These firms are the first to come fourth with donations and service the community.
8. Don't support your town's newspaper. The out-of-town papers and radio are a lot better and contribute much more to your town than the local bugle. But jump on the paper's editor the first time Aunt Hegatha's visit is left out -- forget the other 10 times it was in.
9. Spread any story or rumor that is defamatory or uncomplimentary about the town. Never say anything nice about anybody. All kids are delinquents, all businessmen are crooks.
10. Above all, always be skeptical and cynical about anything supported to be good for the progress and betterment of the community.
Your motto should be: "If It's good, it can't happen here."
-The Marceline News
I(Reprinted from a 1965 issue of the Portageville Review)